No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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