so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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