Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
