I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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