I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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