I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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