Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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