I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Send help, water and tortillas.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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