Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
