well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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