Where is the hickey?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Im part way to drunk.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
