We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
