He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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