Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
