I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
