my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
