NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I could make wine with my vomit
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
