im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
