My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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