it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
