Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
