Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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