The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
