we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
