Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
