if i can run in heels then i can drive
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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