come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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