Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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