I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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