I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
