batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
