They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
