Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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