I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
