i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
