my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
