nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
