Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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