That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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