We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
