Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
