kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
