This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
