Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
