I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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