Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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