Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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