This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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