kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i want to swaddle you in tequila
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
