Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
