You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
