Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
