I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
