also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
