apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
