I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
