And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
