Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
