I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
