Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
