his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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