Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
