you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
