it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
