I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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