woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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