People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
