Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
