Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
