i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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