ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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